NEWSLETTER COLIN'S SOUL FOOD KITCHEN

BEAUTY MAKES YOU ACHE TO BE WORTHY OF IT: A SOUL IN WONDER

PROLOGUE: ‘To have a firm persuasion in our work- to feel that what we do is right for ourselves and good for the world at exactly the same time is one of the greatest triumphs of human existence.’ David Whyte

Thank-you to all that read my writing. It brings meaning to my life, and my wish is that it will bring some meaning to yours; whether it be solace, clarity, hope, and sometimes laughter- because I have written some crazy shit in my day! :) I live alone and I have to make myself laugh on occasion although I may very well be the only one to find it funny!

‘Don’t take yourself too seriously. The world would go on without you. Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders, Those who insist that they have their shit together, are usually standing in it at a time.’ Stephen Levine

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination- calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting, over and over announcing your place in the family of things.’ Mary Oliver

‘Love is something you and I must have. We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it. We must have it, because without it we become faint and weak. Without love our self-esteem weakens. Without it our courage fails. Without love we can no longer look out confidently at the world. Instead we turn inwardly and begin to feed upon our own personalities and little by little we destroy ourselves. You and I need the strength that comes from knowing that we are loved. With it we are creative. With it we march tirelessly. With it, and with it alone, we are able to sacrifice ourselves for others.’ Chief Dan George Salish Nations B.C. Canada

‘Peace will come to the hearts of men when they realize their oneness with the universe. It is everywhere. All over the sky a sacred voice is calling your name. Behold this day. It is yours to make. There can never be peace between nations until there is first known that true peace which… is in the souls of men.’ Chief Black Elk Lakota First Nations

Beauty is Truth; Truth, Beauty

That is all ye know in this world

And all ye need to know. John Keats

THE HARVEST

Because you are the doer and the deed;

Because you are the thinker and the thought-

Because you are the helper and the need,

And the cold doubt that brings all things to naught.

Therefore, in every gracious form and shape,

The world’s dear open secret shall you find,

From the One Beauty there is no escape

Nor the Sunshine of the Eternal Mind. Eva Gore Booth

I don’t ask for the sights in front of me to change, only the depth of my seeing. It doesn’t have to be the blue iris: it could be weeds in a vacant lot. Or a few small stones. Just pay attention, then patch a few words together, and don’t try to make them elaborate. This isn’t a contest, but the doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak.

‘The true journey of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes.’ Marcel Proust

Then it was if I suddenly saw

The secret beauty of their hearts

The depths of their hearts where neither

Sin nor self knowledge can reach

The core of their reality: the people

That each one is in the eyes of the Divine.

We are the Universe looking at itself. Thomas Merton

Without you, the Universe wouldn’t exist. So that is no small thing! It’s the gift of being alive, and although there is pain and suffering inside and outside of ourselves, there are many miracles there for us to see as well. However, we cannot experience the miraculous, unless we are aware: living in the present moment.

To see the world in a single grain of sand

And hold infinity in the palm of your hand.

To behold the universe in the seedlings of the

Tiniest flower and Eternities in the space of a single hour. Me

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.’ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Peace of mind is to be found both in silence and in our hearts. When we live all the time in our minds, we set up an impediment to our connection with all of life and to genuine connection with others. Every wisdom tradition believes in the power of silence and that silence is usually found in nature. That seems to be the ideal place for the heart to be at rest. However, it appears that humankind has separated itself from nature as well as the healing power of silence.

Blessed are the hearts that bend; for they shall never be broken. Plant a green tree in your heart and maybe the singing bird will come.

And if your spirit carries within it the thorn that is heavier than lead- if it’s all you can do to keep on trudging-there is still somewhere deep within you a beast shouting that the earth is exactly what it wanted-each pond with its blazing lilies is a prayer heard and answered lavishly, each morning. Whether or not, you have ever dared to be happy, whether or not, you have ever decided to pray. Inside everyone is a great shout of joy waiting to be born.

And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds, a white cross streaming across the sky, its feet like black leaves, its wings like the stretching light of the river? And did you feel it, in your heart

How it pertained to everything? And have you, too, finally figured out what beauty is for? And have you changed your life?

‘Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable: then ten times a day something happens to me like this- Some strengthening throb of amazement- some good, sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, wildest and wisest thing that I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely of attentiveness.’ Mary Oliver

Look lovingly upon the present, for it holds the only things that are forever true. All healing lies within it. The miracle comes quietly into the mind that stops an instant and is still.

‘There exists Only the present instant: a Now which always and without end is itself new. There is no yesterday, and no tomorrow, but only Now as it was a thousand years ago, and a thousand years hence.’ Meister Eckhart 13th century C.E.

Silence is like a cradle holding our endeavors and our will; a silent spaciousness sustains us in our work and at the same time connects us to larger worlds that, in the busyness of our daily struggles to achieve, we have not investigated. Silence is the soul’s break for freedom!

‘Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature- the assurance that dawn comes after night and spring after winter.’ Rachel Carson

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MUSIC IN THE SOUL IS HEARD BY THE UNIVERSE: THE MUSIC MASTER

Music in the Soul is heard by the Universe. At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. I have just three things to teach- simplicity, patience, and compassion. These are your three greatest treasures. He who is content is rich. Mastering yourself is true power.

Each note is a need coming through one of us; a passion, a longing pain. Remember the lips where the wind-breath originated and let your note be clear. Don’t try to end it. Be your note. I’ll show you how it’s enough. Go up on the roof at night in this City of the Soul. Let everyone climb on their roofs and sing their notes. Sing loud!

You are the notes and we are the flute. We are the mountain, you are the sound coming down. Your invisible wind carries us through the world. The flute of the Infinite is played without ceasing, and its sound is love. When love renounces all limits, it reaches truth

You that loves lovers, this is your home, welcome! In the midst of making form, Love made this form that melts form with Love for the door- Soul the vestibule. Watch the dust grains moving

In the light near the window. Their dance is our dance. We rarely hear the inner music, but we’re dancing to it nevertheless, all of us- directed by the one who teaches us, the pure joy of the sun, our Music Master.

The flute of the Infinite is played without ceasing, and its sound is love. When love renounces all limits, it reaches truth. How widely the fragrance spreads! It has no end; nothing stands in its way! The form of this melody is bright like a million suns!

I am the rest between two notes,

Which are somehow always out of accord

Because death’s note wants to climb over-

But in the dark interval, reconciled

They stay here trembling

And the song goes on: Beautiful!

THE MIRACULOUS LIGHT OF THE FIRST STARS SHINING THROUGH

The world we live in is a temple, and the miraculous light of the first stars is shining through it all the time. Like an innocent child we can rejoice in life itself; in the very fact that we are alive.. In place of original sin, celebrate your original goodness, for we are the beauty we have been seeking all our lives.

Silently, one by one In the infinite meadows of heaven, blossomed the lovely stars; the forget-me-nots of the angels. Know how sublime it is- to suffer and be strong. H.W. Longfellow‘

Neil DeGrasse Tyson relates that when a supernova dies, all the elements of the periodic table are sent out throughout our galaxy and eventually land on our planet. All these elements end up, with the help of the sun, creating life and creating us. So we are not just metaphorically, but literally made of stardust.

We are stardust.

Billion year old carbon-

We are golden

Caught in the devil’s bargain

And we’ve got to get ourselves

Back to the Garden……… Joni Mitchell

We have got to find our way back to the Garden. We have lost our way. We have to find a way to foster awareness of the imminent and wanton destruction of our home, Mother Earth. We have what we seek. It is there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us. Your heart will lead the way to fulfillment. Transformation is a journey without a final destination.

The truth is that many of us have become alienated from Mother Earth. We forget we are alive, here, on a beautiful planet and that our body is a wonder given to us by the Earth and the whole Cosmos. If the Earth has been able to offer life, it is because she, too, has non-Earth elements in her, including the sun and stars.

O shooting star

That fell into my eyes and

Through my body-

Not to forget you.

To endure. Rilke

Life is a miracle. We, ourselves are a miracle. Miraculous here does not refer to extraordinary phenomena but to the commonplace, for absolutely anything can evoke this special awareness provided that close attention is paid to it. Once perception is disengaged from the domination of preconception and personal interests, it is free to experience the world as it is and to behold its inherent magnificence.

EACH NOTE

The stars come up spinning every night, bewildered in love. They’d grow tired with that revolving If they were not. They’d say “How long do we have to do this?” God picks up the reed flute world and blows. Rumi

The secret to life is the realization that living in the present moment gives us more time. If you have ever been in nature alone for a period of time, you will eventually feel as if time stands still. And it does! Why? Because you have slipped from ‘doing’ and ‘thinking’ mode and into the eternity of ‘being’ mode. The suspension of thought is to just ‘be’ and it gives us more time.

There is solitude and the nurturing silence that is the relationship with ourselves, but even then we are part of something larger. Mystery is part of each life and maybe it’s healthier to uphold it than to spend a lifetime in search of half-baked answers.

Being held in Mother Earth’s tender embrace helps us to slow down long enough to look at our own lives, and the lives of others. And what you end up with is unconditional love for all beings. I think the reason this is so is because beauty makes you ache to be worthy of it.

PLANTATIONS OF GOD AND THE RIVER OF LIFE:

‘In the woods, a man casts off his years and what period whatsoever his life is always a child. In the woods is perpetual youth within these Plantations of God; a decorum and sanctity reign, a perennial festival is dressed and the guest sees not how he should tire of them in a thousand years. In the woods we return to reason and faith. Standing on the bare ground my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, all mean egotism vanishes.’ Emerson

I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all and the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness I find something more dear and tranquil than in streets or cities. As I have come to accept the state of my own mortality, I only find joy and solace in the great outdoors. Somehow, the peace, beauty, and stillness of nature obliterates all traces of my bewildered self and my soul, and alive in the mystery, is at peace.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

‘I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately to confront only the essential facts of life and see if I could learn what it had to teach me or not, so that when I came to die, I would discover that I had not lived. Only that day dawns to which we are awake.’ Henry David Thoreau

Thoreau went into the woods for two years and two months relying only on his own abilities- growing food, hunting, and building a cabin near Walden Pond. He chronicled his experience in the classic book Walden.

I thank you god for this amazing

Day: for the leaping, greenly spirit of trees

And a true blue dream of sky; and

For everything

Which is natural, which is infinite,

Which is yes. e.e. cummings

Peace of mind is to be found both in silence and in our own hearts. When we live all the time in our own minds, we set up an impediment to our connection with all of life and to genuine connection with others.

‘All the time I was getting closer to animals and nature, and as a result, closer to myself and more and more in tune with the spiritual power that I felt all around. For those who have experienced the joy of being alone with nature there is really little need for me to say much more; for those who have not, no words of mine can even describe the powerful, almost mystical knowledge of beauty and eternity that come, suddenly, and all unexpected. Jane Goodall from A Reason for Hope: A Spiritual Journey

The body is a form destined to the world; it ensures that my body is an open circuit that completes itself only in things, in others, in the encompassing earth. Immersed in the natural world we only know it through the senses, and we are known through the senses of other beings, and not only humans.

We are part of this landscape, grew up in it, and are still possessor of all its gifts, although compared to our hunter- gathering ancestors, ours may have atrophied from lack of use. But the spell of the sensuous is no further than the sound of rain, the feel of the wind on our face, or the warmth of the sun.

‘Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable: Then ten times a day something happens to me like this- Some strengthening throb of amazement- some good, sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, wildest and wisest thing that I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely of attentiveness.’ Mary Oliver

‘And that is just the point-how the world, moist and beautiful, calls each of us to make a new and serious response. That's the big question, the one the world throws at you every morning: ‘Here you are alive! Would you like to make a comment? ‘ Mary Oliver

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature- the assurance that dawn comes after night and spring after winter.” Rachel Carson

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THE RIVER OF LIFE: I realize now just how much my discovery of this little river and all the trees and the creatures that made the river their home: the animals, trees, birds and fish has taught me. It was so silent, although there were sounds, but no human sounds, no machines to disturb my peace.

I was lucky this past autumn as I was going through a difficult time. I found a fast moving but shallow river, and I somehow contrived to get my old bones down over a cliff without breaking my neck, and there was a huge flat rock right at the water’s edge. I could sit and meditate or stretch out flat and look up at the trees and look up at the autumn foliage.

The sound of the river was comforting, I would wash my face and hands in the cold, invigorating water and observe all the wildlife that made the river their home. And so, I developed the habit of lying flat on my back on the earth or on the rock under a stand of trees, especially in the autumn season, to look up in wonder at the beauty of the canopy of leaves; a veritable cornucopia of colors, in every shade and hue of red, orange, yellow, and green imaginable against the backdrop of blue skies laced with pure white clouds.

It gave me a whole different perspective. I intend to go back there in the spring. It takes me out of my thinking mind and into a sense of wonder.’

Life moves as effortlessly as water: frolicking, sleeping, weeping, but never truly still. Never solid or finished. Always like water flowing from one place to the next: seed and fruit, rain and drought, everything travels in a gigantic circle, an eternal process of becoming something new. But we rarely see it. Humans tend to see only frozen moments, not the flow of things.

Like the little stream

Making its way

Through the mossy crevices

I, too, quietly

Turn clear and transparent. Ryokan

‘The dream of my life is to lie down by a slow river and stare at the light in the trees- to learn something by being nothing.’ Mary Oliver

Life is like water flowing from one place to the next: seed and fruit, rain and drought; everything travels in a gigantic circle, an eternal process of becoming something new. But we rarely see it. Humans tend to see only frozen moments, not the flow of things. After a few days of watching the rather shallow but fast flowing river with its rapids and waves and whirlpools, I began to feel and then see the flow of things and it created within my heart a sense of wonder and peace of mind. How the sun shining on the water formed little sparkling diamonds.

The sound of water is how I think. Music in the soul is heard by the Universe. At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. I have just three things to teach- simplicity, patience, and compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires. He who is content is rich. Mastering yourself is true power!

My little fast flowing river taught me so much. I would watch little waves making an appearance, for a brief moment, and then returning to the water from whence they came, only to form with other little whirlpools and merge with water from another whirlpool and become a wave again. There is no birth or no death here. There is only manifestation. We get caught up in appearances, conceptions which lead to wrong perceptions.

WHIRLPOOLS : We are rather like whirlpools in the river of life. In flowing forward, a river or stream may hit upon the rocks and branches, or irregularities in the ground, here and there. Water entering one whirlpool, causes other whirlpools to spring up here and there and water entering one whirlpool quickly passes through and rejoins the river, eventually joining another whirlpool and moving on. Though for short periods it seems to be indistinguishable as a separate entity, the water in the whirlpools is just the river itself.

However, we want to think that this little whirlpool isn’t part of the river. We want to see ourselves as permanent and stable. Our whole energy goes into trying to protect our supposed separateness. To protect this separateness, we set up artificial boundaries; as a consequence we accumulate excess baggage, we buy more and more stuff and jam it into our own whirlpool and in the process it gets messy. Neighboring whirlpools may get less water because of our frantic holding on.

Eventually some of us consume and buy so much stuff that we don’t need, that not only does some of our neighboring whirlpools get no water, eventually the whole river dries up and can no longer support any life at all. Sound familiar? That’s what’s happening to our home: Mother Earth

And if your spirit carries within it the thorn that is heavier than lead-if it’s all you can do to keep on trudging-there is still somewhere deep within you a beast shouting that the earth is exactly what it wanted-each pond with its blazing lilies is a prayer heard and answered lavishly, each morning. Whether or not, you have ever dared to be happy, whether or not, you have ever decided to pray. Inside everyone is a great shout of joy waiting to be born.

Finding this quiet place was a godsend for me. I had been to hell and back again for four years, and I was desperate for something: and I did know what I was looking for. Silence! My first three or four trips to my little river, I still felt like a thorn in my heart. And then it happened. I started worrying and feeling restless. I was getting ready to climb back up the cliff, when a belted kingfisher landed a few feet away from me and perched on a branch.

I never moved an inch. It’s a beautiful bird and I had not seen one since my childhood. And then something strange happened. As I continued to look at the kingfisher, I thought I was him and he was me! That’s all. It lasted for about five minutes until he flew away and I knew then that the experience had changed me, and that the healing of deep wounds is always possible.

For there are moments

When something new has entered into us

Something unknown; our feelings

Grows mute in shy perplexity,

Everything in us withdraws:

A stillness comes, and the new,

Which no one knows

Stands in the midst of it

And is silent. Rilke

If I am to appreciate the uniqueness of any experience I must be sufficiently aware of my preconceived ideas and characteristic emotional distortions to bracket them [set them aside] long enough to welcome strangeness and novelty into my perceptual world. This discipline of bracketing, or silencing requires sophisticated self-knowledge [awareness] and courageous honesty.

Yet, without this discipline, each present moment is only a repetition of something already seen or experienced. In order for genuine novelty to emerge, for the unique presence of things, persons, or events to take root in me, I must undergo a decentralisation of the ego.

Now I know that I can come back here. Here I have the home that I lost so long ago.